Ripped Off

With the cancer I have, I have good odds to make it for five years and more.  But you never know, do you.  You live in a soup of uncertainty.  I passed out with the first treatment, so what happens with the second?  I was given nausea medicine, but I did not need it.  Then, after the second infusion, I realized why the doctor gave me the prescription. One day is a high energy day – replace the kitchen faucet, the bathroom toilet seat…  and the next day is a sit around day because I have no energy.  Every day is a fog of uncertainty.

The cancer has only exposed  the delusion of security I had before.   That veil has been ripped off. Gotta face some hard truth now.  

I suspect we all have some confidence in what we face from day to day, month to month. That is the delusion – that confidence and sense of security.

It is only a matter or what and when.  What will happen and when will it happen.  It is never a question of “if” it will happen.  I learned this as a teen when our house was broken into by an arsonist... and he burned it down. There was a string of such fires in our town in those years.

What?  It will be an accident, an illness, the hip, the knee, the shoulder, the injury from a fall, the heart….  Something will occur.  And when? Hopefully, when we get on in years and not sooner.  But we all know it can happen sooner. It might be sudden, it might be gradual, but it will be for each of us.

I try to practice gratefulness for the blessings of each day.  Easy to overlook them, or to not see them.  It takes work.  An apple fell from the tree and broke my glasses.  As if I did not have enough trouble.  Nuts.  I seek to be grateful I could get a new set of glasses with relative ease.  I twisted my ankle and was in a boot for a few days. Nuts.  I seek to be grateful that I healed up after a short time.  I waited 5 hours in the heat for the tow truck to arrive.  Nuts.  I seek to be grateful I found a fine mechanic. 

It takes work to get out of the angst of uncertainty.   It is work to trust in God’s provisions.  Those blessings are there – just have to have the eyes to see.